During one of my most recent therapy sessions near the end of the session my wonderful amazing therapist asked a question and my response was.. “I just don’t know what it’s like to love me.” That sentence held more power than I truly realized. When I said it initially I was trying to express that I did not know what it was like for others to be in my presence or to love me. Not because I am not loved by others, but because my heart and soul are so concerned with if loving me makes them happy or if I am a burden to their world.
As I continued to reflect on my response to that question, which was a “close the door end of session response” I realized I am also learning what it means to love myself. At my EMDR session which occurred the day after this therapy session we began to work on that response. My amazing EMDR therapist reminded me “What it’s like to love you is truly none of your business.” HOLY SMOKES! Not only is she 100% correct, but viewing my life in that manner changes everything.
If I only worry about who I am even when no one is watching, I give others permission to love me as I am, not on my terms. When I allow others to see me for who I truly am and safe people to come into my circle, I begin to find my true self. It has only been one week since that session and to say my life has changed in this past week would be an understatement.
While I will never have the answer to the question, what is it like to love me? I know rest in the peace of allowing others to decide that answer. Knowing that some may leave, but the ones who stay show me my true purpose.
I encourage you to spend time loving yourself this week. Step back from the wondering of what it is like to love you and fully embrace YOU. You never know what is waiting on the other side of fear until you allow yourself to embrace the fire.