As I write this evening I am listening to the song The Broken Beautiful by Elle Holcomb. “You can make the broken beautiful, because your love will never change, and there’s healing in your name, your love makes broken things beautiful. “ Hearing this song for the first time has brought many thoughts to my mind, How can the God everyone speaks of allow for bad things to happen? Why do we get “broken” if he is in control?
Many times throughout my life I have asked God WHY?!? I have asked with pain, tears, anger and confusion. I have doubted his presence to my core. Yet, every single time, some how some way even in my brokenness and in my darkest moments joy was found. Not immediately and not until I was willing to accept it, but every time it pulled me from the darkness.
Through the last few years I have asked God WHY more times then I care to admit. I shouted at him when my beautiful babygirl was being born early and not crying. I could not understand WHY when I remained “faithful” to him he would hurt my sweet girl. The same thing happen when my sweet baby boy was born and was taken in a helicopter from me. Again, this question came back when the boy who made me a Momma was diagnosed with a chronic illness and soooo many moments in between. I have asked God WHY when I have made mistakes. I have wondered what my purpose is for far too long.
Recently, I began slowing down and soaking up all of the moments. You know those times when people say “God did this for me.” I began challenging that sentiment. The Bible explains that Jesus Christ is unchanging. Being unchanging would mean he does not “do” the good or bad things to us. He is simply the love that brought about our existence. Stick with me for a moment…
I can not believe that the God who made us is anything but love. As I write this I am in a large gathering room with a few amazing adults and a ton of preteens and teens preparing for a week long mission trip. If you really want to see God at work spend time in the presence of children.
If God is unchanging and we have freewill this would mean when we find something we have wanted for ever and we are happy with we are truly just allowing ourselves to witness the beauty we already had around us. A term I recently learned through Mission Trip is called “God sightings”. These are moments you see God in the actions of others or in the moments throughout the day. The moments you only recognize if you understand the ability we each have on one another and the world around us.
As I have spent time processing his “reason for the WHY” I have been met with much confusion. I now know the reason for the WHY will never exist. God is not causing situations to occur. His presence is truly found in the moments we allow ourselves to see “the God sightings.” The moments we find gratitude.
If we are created in his image. If he is kind, loving and merciful … Maybe our free will is what allows us the opportunity to answer the WHY. The WHY is both because good and bad exist. This allows us to understand we are not under the control of a puppeteer. Instead we were given an entire world around filled with light meant to guide us through the inevitable darkness.
Finding purpose and joy during our brokenness is a never evening battle. We grasp onto anger and shame forgetting that our lives are only temporary and a life worth living is found in the “God sightings”. Those sightings can only be found when we reach inside our hearts and believe we are worthy of mourning unmet expectations, mourning loss, celebrating joy, happiness and love in our lives.
If God is in all people, then my meeting with you is a meeting with God as well. The moment we begin to soak up the moments good or bad. Allowing ourselves to process pain, anger, frustration, joy, love, happiness and every moment in between is vital to finding our purpose. When we love others with the same grace and kindness we all yearn for THAT is when we will find the answer to WHY.
When you look into a room filled with humans created in his image or you simply soak up the beauty of nature you will truly see God. Joy occurs when we reach the boundary of our fear and fully accept grace. We can not begin to understand joy if we have never experienced pain.